"John, do you have the faith not to be healed?"

A pivotal moment in my life came at a time where I wasn't even paying attention. Sunday School a few months ago. Shhh but I wasn't listening to the lesson. 😳 I don't even remember what I was doing, or know what the lesson was about. However, I heard the teacher say the quote "John, do you have the faith not to be healed?" And my head/heart translated that into "Trista, do you have the faith that if things don't work out the way you want them to, things will still be ok?" And it was like a light. Up until that moment I had been praying for a very specific thing I wanted so badly to happen. I had been praying for it for months... and had been taking particular steps in my life to do everything in my power to make this happen. I stressed about it! Cried about it. Worried and desperately begged Heavenly Father to just PLEASE make it happen. Well then I heard that quote, and instantly felt relief. It was exactly what I needed to hear to remember that even though I pretend like it... I'm not actually in as much control as I like to think. There is a plan for me that is better than any I could try to make for myself.

Sometimes the thing we pray for isn't the thing we actually need, or even want after all. Sure, maybe it would make us happy for awhile... But I want the person who sees my entire life plan calling the shots, rather than myself who just sees my life up until this moment. I want the best for myself for eternity, not just what I think is best for myself in my current situation. Have the faith to know that we don't always get what we want, and that's a BEAUTIFUL THING! Faith is knowing that no matter what happens, everything will be ok. Things are going to work out, one way or another. Try your hardest, but make sure you're always in a position to receive guidance from Heavenly Father, and always ALWAYS be willing to do His will. He sees the best path for you from start to finish - trust that He'll get you to eternity if you'll let Him. ❤️

If you're trying to make a decision and praying for the Lord to tell you what to do but feel like you're not getting an answer... it's not because you're being ignored. The Lord will never ignore you. He does, however, LOVE to give you opportunities for growth in the form of experiences. So if you're trying to make a decision, instead of waiting for the Lord to tell you what to do - just DO SOMETHING. Whatever you feel is right. Sometimes you gotta make a decision first and pray that the Lord will correct you if you made the wrong one. Sometimes we figure out what we're supposed to be doing by DOING it, and seeing what happens over time. Sometimes it works out and other times it fails big time.

Other times the directions about what we should be doing are more clear. Ex: while washing dishes a few weeks after my mom died, I heard her say - "You need to move in with your dad." I literally laughed, because well, that was weird. And there's no way I was going to do that. WHY would I do that? I had a newborn and lived in my own house with endless running water. Not gonna go live with my dad in the middle of nowhere where you literally have to time your showers so you don't run out of water. A day or two later, my then husband got fired from his job. My heart sank, but I also saw my mother smirk. I knew exactly where we were supposed to go.

My point is that sometimes your direction seems unclear, but with this cool thing you have called 'agency' you can pick your own path. Just make sure to pray for guidance and have the humility to change your course if you get the impression the choice you made was a bad one. Let's be real for a sec - Took me about 6 years to find that humility in a particular situation in my life. 😣 I was too proud to admit that the choice I made wasn't the best for me. BUT! Somewhere along the way I found it again, set aside my pride, and got shizz done. Well it's in the process haha. But that's what life is, right? A process?

Originally Written September 26, 2019

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